Insomnia. Insomnia, did I say that already? It is going on 11 months that I haven’t slept for more than a 3 hour stretch. That’s on a good night. There may have been a couple of times where it was closer to 4 but that is unlikely. If anyone has battled with lack of sleep you know the effects it can have, mental, emotional, physical. It’s hard to focus. Battling my thoughts has never been harder because I am so weak sometimes.
I have to depend on the Lord for the smallest of things. I have cried, I have broken down, I have even been angry with the LORD, that is a scary place to be. When your wants would take over that you are angry at the lot the Lord has given you. As to say “my plan is so much better than yours. The plan you ordained before the beginning of time, just isn’t working for me, I want something else!”
Do I believe the Lord can take it way? In heartbeat! It is easy to fall into sin when you are so tired, so irritable, so selfish.
What have I done you ask? EVERYTHING! You name it (and you have 😉 ), I’ve done it. I have pleaded for 9 months for the Lord to take this thorn from my flesh, His answer: (2 Corinthians 12:9)
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”
My reply: (most of the time)
Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
I love this promise:
No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.~1 Corinthians 10:13
Who am I to question the Lord and His dealing with me? Sleep is a gift, a gift He has chosen to take from me. I might not be getting any sleep but I am thankful I am not getting what I deserve…eternal punishment and separation from my Lord because of my sin! Paul says:
For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
My LIGHT affliction is temporal, but the work that the Lord is doing through it is eternal! This coming from a man who:
Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep. I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches. ~2 Corinthians 11:24-29
These are amazing truths that have gotten me through. What else is the Lord teaching me?
~Trust in Him, He is equipping and sanctifying me for His glory and purpose.
~To have more compassion on people facing trials
~That the Lord has His plan in trials and when people are in them, it may not be a matter of what they are or aren’t doing.
~Stop unloading what “worked for me” on people facing trials and minister to their heart, encourage them, love them, pray for them, they will ask when they need it.
~Pray not that my trial would be taken away but that God would give the strength and grace to bear up under it.
~Pray that He would show me what it is He wants me to learn through my trial.
~Thankfulness in the things I take for granted.
There is so much more He is teaching me, if you have questions about facing your trials, please feel free to ask!
You have counted me worthy to be afflicted for Your name sake, may You be honored and glorified in my response!
1Then Job answered the LORD and said,
2″I know that You can do all things,
And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
3’Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
“Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.”
4’Hear, now, and I will speak;
I will ask You, and You instruct me.’
5″I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear;
But now my eye sees You;
6Therefore I retract,
And I repent in dust and ashes.”